A Haiku: Meditation

Alone amid trees,

in quiet contemplation,

she floats on water.

A Halloween Haiku

This place remembers

disturbing scenes more clearly

than the ones who died.

... about misanthropy

It's not that I hate people, really, it's just that there's so damn many of us that it's getting ridiculous. I think what we need is a good old fashioned population bottleneck: another ice age or a Waterworld - type everybody-get-in-a-boat scenario. Something to thin the herd a little bit and give us a chance to regroup as a species.

I'm not even too particular about who gets killed and who doesn't. Obviously I'd prefer the chance to help rebuild, but it's not a deal breaker for me. I'm trying to think about this at a species level, rather than as just a person.

As a species I think we need to seriously reconsider this whole civilization thing. Granted, we've been at it for so long it seems a waste to abandon it now, just when it seems like we're getting the hang of it (relatively, I mean), but I really think we got sidetracked somewhere.

I think it was toothpicks. When our society reached the point that we not only had to manufacture little slivers of wood to clean our teeth with, but that we had to include a 1-800 help line and instructions on the package, we should probably have folded it all up and gone to the beach.

All that being said, I find myself thinking a lot about the end of civilization. I'll be sitting in traffic and ruminating over something deep and meaningful and then I'll remember that there's a good chance that the house I just bought will be beachfront property within my lifetime. That always makes me smile for some reason, probably because I know how to swim and sail a ship.

I also think about zombies. Zombie Apocalypse is my favorite end of civilization scenario for several reasons.

For one thing, it gives the survivors a fighting chance: zombies aren't like meteor impacts or global warming. Those big scary major disasters tend to leave things more or less ruined, so that even if there are survivors they stand little to no chance of surviving for very long.

Zombies are not so unforgiving. They won't compete with survivors for food, as they tend to look at survivors as food. Also they're not very smart, and I think eventually they'll just biodegrade or starve to death we leave them to their own devices.

The other thing is that zombie attacks give us the chance to really just kill the hell out of people ... er, people-shaped things, anyway.

I've always thought of violence as something like a prostate exam: not very pleasant but occasionally necessary to insure a longer and healthier life. Inside the Zombie Apocalypse this becomes even more true, but it doesn't have to be all bad (unless you're the squeamish type, in which case decide for yourself which is worse: getting smeared with blood and grey matter or craving blood and brain matter for dinner. Also being one of the shambling, living dead).

I tend to think that having zombies around wouldn't be all that bad. Sure they're masses of semi-decomposed, quasi-ambulatory monsters that all want to eat you, but then again, there's always a body around to behead or shoot at or light on fire or explode, so it's not like there's no bright side.

I also think there's something to be learned from living through something like that, even if it's only the most rudimentary survival skills, Like one of those team-building retreats they send corporate fatsoes on to learn how to work together, only with teeth. I've always had the notion that it's important to drive yourself to the far end of your tolerance occasionally, just to find out what you're capable of. Some people say you can't know how far a mile is until you've walked one. I disagree, I say you can't know how far a mile really is until you've walked ten or twelve or twenty; until you've walked until you stopped because it was either that or fall. Only then can you know what you're true limits are.

Plus, I think everyone needs to experience real bladder-emptying, tongue-biting, eye-popping terror from time to time. It really puts stepping in dog shit in perspective.

i was thinking about the future ...

... while a friend of mine read my Tarot. She's an excellent reader, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disturbed when I left her porch.

In three shuffles I pulled The Tower three times.

The Tower is an unsettling card. Fire, lightning, falling on jagged rocks - not what I'd call a cheerful fortune. It represents a sudden, dramatic upheaval or reversal in fortune. Usually change is gradual, giving us time to adapt, but sometimes it is quick and explosive. This is the action of the Tower.

How you respond to the Tower's change makes all the difference in how uncomfortable the experience will be.You may have a burst of insight about your situation and reach a new level of understanding about it.

I think this is true about most things: it's not so much the things that happen to us as how we react to them. Our reactions can completely change the character of the things that happen to us, even if they can't change the things themselves. If I can take a lesson from something, then even if it is a tragedy, at least I got something from it.

They say that the lessons we remember the longest are the ones we teach ourselves, but I think the lessons that hurt and shock us are a close second. Ask any kid who's ever stuck a penny in a light socket if they didn't take some meaning from that event. I know I did.

Learning changes a person, though - the person who knows something is vastly different from the person who has yet to learn it. That's because the things we learn are so much a part of us that we can't help but behave and even think differently once we know them.

So, I started this with the idea that I recognize the inevitability of change and accept that there's no way around it. What I wanted to say next is that I'm not afraid of change, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I am afraid. I think that's normal, though. People fear the unknown almost as much as they fear what they don't understand. That's why so many people are afraid of the dark.

I think it's good to be afraid sometimes - it teaches you humility and caution. The danger is in letting the fear paralyze you, and it's a slippery slope. It's easy to get stuck between actions when you know the next one is going to be unpleasant.

I think the trick is maintaining a certain amount of perspective. That's easier said than done when everything's changing and the world is out to get you, but it's worth the effort. It's important to stay grounded and see the world from your own point of view, but you should always be able to step back and look at the whole picture. From far enough away, even the most terrifying situations can become small and manageable.

A Haiku ...

My love has a voice

Gracefully resonating

Pure, mellow beauty

How to blog while on cold medicine

This is an older blog I found while I was transferring files from my old computer. I'm sick, so it'll have to do until I can think of something other than when my next dose of medicine is coming.

The title is "I have beef"

... I got it on sale, but i forgot to buy buns, or mustard, or chips, so it's not gonna be much of a barbecue.

... But what really ticks me off is the way some women seem to be hell bent on being miserable. mebbe it's a symptom of our society, but it's like we want everyone to feel bad about themselves all the time. why else would we be constantly inundated with images, videos, movies and commercials featuring either some paper-thin waif, or some mammoth-bosomed amazon woman?

Sure, images like these sell products, but there are repercussions.

We live in a very shallow society, as I think I already mentioned, and we place far, far too much emphasis on appearances. It’s unfortunate, but I don't think it's an excuse for self pity (there is no excuse for self pity in my humble opinion).

That’s why, when i hear some perfectly good-looking chickadee bemoaning herself like she's been beaten with the ugly stick, it makes me a little angry. I can't stand the thought of the hell people put themselves through just because they don't look like supermodels and actresses.

Let’s get this straight ... actresses, models, playmates, and whatnot exist for the sole purpose of making other people feel inadequate. When people feel inadequate, they compensate by buying stuff ... usually stuff that's advertised by the very same models that made them feel inadequate in the first place. We've been conditioned over the years to believe that spending money/having new things makes us happy, so it works for a little while ... we get happier, until we come across another ad in another magazine, or see another commercial for another kind of cell phone (or whatever), and the cycle starts all over again.

It’s disgusting.

So I try, in my own little way, to counteract this societal disease by remembering that beauty really is only skin deep. In fact, it's usually even shallower than that, like only as deep as the first three or four layers of makeup (I’m also strongly anti-makeup, but that's a lost cause, I know). I try to remember that in nine out of ten cases, the "beautiful" people ... the ones with what we might as well call popular beauty ... are dumb as dirt, mean as hell, snooty as all get-out, or all three. These are not what I call appealing character traits.

I’ve even known people who've gotten cosmetic surgery, and the outcome is routinely just like what happened to Peter Griffin in that one episode of Family Guy. They become mannequins with no more personality than your average bucket of dirty mop water, and then they whine and complain when all their friends get sick of hearing them talk about themselves and move off in search of less annoying climes.

There are drop dead gorgeous people out there who you'll never see in any magazine, though. There are people whose beauty will literally take your breath away, if you can just take the time to appreciate it. There are people who we really should all aspire to be, and they're not in movies or commercials, because they look like the rest of us ... just normal ("we call you 'normies'").

So I say damn the man, don't accept the standards that Wall Street advertisers have set for us. Don’t let some corporate A-hole tell you what's pretty and what's not. Remember that you, and only you, can decide what is truly beautiful, and that there really is more to life than looking good, especially if looking good involves permanently altering your body, because rubber boobs and plastic noses are creepy.

... I think I was frustrated about something when I wrote this. Couldn't tell you what it was, though.

Ah well, I'll catch you later.

this is effing hilarious!

closed pipeline

I found a really cool Random Word Generator while I was goofing around *ahem* doing some research, and I thought I'd use it to introduce a new series on i was thinking ...

I thought I'd call it Word Of The Day or something, but that seems so vanilla. Then I saw that my random word generator has a Random Phrase Generator, and I thought that might be fun.

So I'll pop in there every now and again and get a random phrase to write about. Sounds like fun, right?

This is a funny phrase since I work with pipelines. It makes me think of the Alaskan Pipeline, which is ludicrously long and prob'ly should be closed, but it's not.

The Trans-Alaskan Pipeline connects oil fields in northern Alaska with the port at Valdez (Yes, that Valdez). It cost $800,000,000,000 to build and 31 workers were killed during construction. It is 48 inches wide, 800 miles long and it has not stopped leaking since it was built.

That's just ridiculous.

A pipeline can carry many things, though, not just oil. Pipelines can carry water, gas, juice, sewage, chocolate milk, even information. In fact, I'm pretty sure the only requisite there is for being a pipeline is that something must be constructed of pipes. In a line.

A Haiku

Hard angles can be

soft when seen through iron eyes.

We cast out our nets.

What I was trying to say earlier was ...

So I started a blog about symmetry the other day and had to stop for some reason. I hadn't really finished it, so I didn't publish it, and it fell into the black hole of drafts that I'm storing here on Blogger. Earlier today I did finish it, but kinda took up the thread in a weird way. I think I was trying to finish my earlier thought, and ended up with this new thought, which is my reflection on why I've been so happy lately.

This next bit is what I think I was trying to say when I started finishing the blog from earlier. Does that make any sense?

(Most of the ellipses are places I've replaced or paraphrased the earlier text. I think I was meant to be an editor.)

... Maybe that's why I've been in such a good mood lately: something happened that reminded me the importance of living in the now, as Garth would put it. I found myself in a situation that never should have been and yet I came out on the other end a completely changed man. For the briefest of moments, I experienced a joy I'd forgotten was possible. I was totally in tune with myself and the world, and most importantly, with another person. It was a fleeting sensation, but when it was over I found myself completely content. I smiled for three days straight after that night and I couldn't tell you why, except that being in that situation was exactly where I wanted to be, and what's more, it was where I was meant to be.

... I've always felt in the back of my mind that somehow, wherever I was, I didn't fit. ... Now I really find myself content and unafraid of the future for the first time in my life. It's a strange feeling - like being young again - and it is wonderful.

I know this can't last. Eventually, I'll slip back into the old habits and thought patterns that eventually lead ... to despair, and that's okay, too. I'm not afraid of returning to my old self because now I know what it feels like to be truly happy.

Somehow, it seems like that's enough.

That last part didn't come across as powerfully as it felt when I wrote it, but that's not surprising. I do think the gist of the communication went across, though.

I don't know how to complete this thought, except to restate the obvious: I feel like I've been charmed. I feel like the world is hopping to my beat, for once; like my song is always playing, and I've always got the right moves. I feel like the lights are always going to be in my favor, and what's really weird is that I feel this even when I'm sitting in traffic.

It could be just the excitement of getting my first public performance under my belt, or bringing trivia across the street (although, I hafta say, I never would've done either of those things if I hadn't already been floating around on a cloud of euphoria fumes). It could be the elation of realizing that I finally feel like I have some modicum of control over my life (famous last words, right?), but I'd never even consider that as an option if I wasn't so stupidly happy these days.

I don't think I'd feel this strongly about it if it was just a case of the giggles (which I am prone to get). Lately I just feel like the laughs are coming easier and more often, and that the bright side is always a little easier to see.

I guess I feel like I'm doing something right, and this is my reward.

Riddle me this ...

I like riddles. They make you think in ways that people today seem to have forgotten, or at least lost the knack for.
Riddles used to be used as teaching tools, and the ability to solve a riddle was a gift to be admired and praised.
Riddles teach people to think around corners, and a well-constructed riddle can be as artistic and beautiful as any poem.
For example:

There is a thing that nothing is,
and yet it has a name.
It is sometimes tall and sometimes short,
it joins our talk and joins our sport
and plays at every game.

This is an older riddle that is one of my favorites because of its simplicity. There are thousands of riddles out there, maybe more. Some of them are easy, others are fiendishly difficult. Some are funny (What has four wheels and flies?) others are more than a little disturbing:

What's stronger than God and more evil than the Devil?
Dead people eat it always and live people who eat it die slow.

Today you can find riddles on every subject from English (What's the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?) to Mathematics:

What row of numbers comes next?
1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

The common thread in all riddles, though, is logic. Solving a riddle requires you to think a certain way - like tying a cherry stem in a knot requires you to make funny faces.
... Okay not exactly like that.

It's more like those "hidden picture" posters you see in doctor's offices where you have to stare into it and kind of relax your eyes and eventually a sailboat materializes. Once you see the sailboat, it's always there. It's kind of the same with riddles: once you relax your mind to the point that you can think around a corner to find the answer, it becomes much simpler.

The point of all this is that I want to get people thinking, and riddles are a good way to do that. I'm thinking of incorporating some riddles into Happy Hour Trivia (provided that catches on - the Hummingbird's trivia debut is tomorrow at 6, so swing by if you like trivia!).

So if you can think of a good way to work riddles into a trivia contest (or have suggestions on how to handle the whole trivia thing) then drop me a line here or via email (whcowart3@gmail.com) or on MySpace (http:www.myspace.com\wilcowartmusic).

If you're curious about the riddles I've included up there, I'll post the answers on Thursday. If you have a guess, leave a comment.

What the hell is GIS, anyway?

GIS stands for Geographic Information Systems (the "S" can also stand for "Sciences", which is more or less the same thing in a more snooty-sounding package). The short answer to the question "What is GIS?" is that GIS is the software that makes Google Maps work; the navigation system in you car is built on a GIS, and those cool interactive maps on CNN and the Weather Channel come directly from a GIS.

Specifically, GIS is a type of software that links database information with a geographic
representation of an area. In other words, it stores and
accesses data about an area (say, a simple table of addresses) and links that data directly to a map of the area in question.

GIS is built on a special type of database - known as a geodatabase. A geodatabase is literally an "Information System for Geography": a structured database that describes the world in geographic terms.

GIS is a series of intelligent maps and views that display things on the earth's surface, and more importantly, relationships between things on the earth's surface. A properly built map can give you a visual representation of the numbers in a table that help to bring that information into a more real-world context.

GIS is also a set of data transformation tools. These are processes that go into the geodatabase and do stuff: taking a set of information and deriving a totally new set of information that may help illuminate some not-so-obvious factors in the relationships between features in the map.

By combining data and applying some analytic rules, you can create a model that helps answer questions about geography. In the example below, GPS (Global Positioning System) and GIS were used to accurately model the expected location and distribution of debris for the Space Shuttle Columbia, which broke up upon re-entry over eastern Texas on February 1, 2003. Learn more about this project.

So, there you have it: the long-winded, technically grandiose version of what I do. If you want me to get more specific, it'll have to be in a different post, or in a message, or not at all.

Thanks for listening, and I hope you learned something.

A Haiku

A tall frosty glass
Many nights, my only friend
Crisp, golden beauty

Symmetry and Disparity

1x1=1
11x11=121
111x111=12321
1111x1111=1234321
11111x11111=123454321
111111x111111=12345654321
1111111x1111111=1234567654321
11111111x11111111=123456787654321
111111111x111111111=12345678987654321

Talk about symmetry, huh?

Symmetry is something that I don't tend to dwell on all that much, mostly because there seems to be so little of it around.

Think about the disparities in life: people rarely get what they pay for, and they almost never get what they deserve; the good ones are never rewarded, and the bad ones always seem to get away clean. What's right is never easy and what's easy is usually wrong.

The more we learn about the world the more we appreciate it, but then we realize that every move we make deforms the world in some way. Every act of exploration becomes an act of destruction (if not outright aggression) and our sad attempts at reparation invariably make things worse.

The smallest percentage of people on the planet are in possession of the vast majority of its resources. The continent that supports the largest population has the fewest options for feeding them all. The nation that produces the most food on the planet throws most of it away.

We are capable of acts of supreme goodness and beauty, and yet we can't seem to help falling into patterns of wanton violence and ignorance bordering on evil. Our capacity for love seems to be eclipsed by our capacity for hatred and intolerance. The line between truth and dishonesty has become so blurred that we'll settle for a maybe on almost any issue.

...

Amid all the discrepancies, though, there are symmetries - we must never forget that there are happy endings (they aren't as common as we'd like, but they are out there), there is still the occasional snippet good news.

Into every darkness some light must shine, and even the faintest glimmer of hope can be a beacon. The smallest shimmering star can shed light and lead us back into the light. I try to keep this in mind in my life and I don't want to sound sanctimonious, but I do try to lead by example. I don't lie (if I can help it), I'm rarely wasteful, I give freely of my time, my money, my blood and my music.

I instruct those who would take instruction by not being an obnoxious drunk, by not being an unsafe driver, by listening to other peoples' stories and laughing at their jokes (especially the lame ones - lame jokes are my favorite). I am polite, kind and thoughtful. I hold the door open for others; I say please and thank you.

I do all those things because that's how I was raised and because I've come to believe that those are good traits and because I really do think that my tiny little actions can somehow make a difference.

I fell into that old cliche about how God's plan truly does include each of us on a deep and personal level, and I really do want to believe it. My mind is inescapably drawn to the idea of serendipity, symmetry and eventuality that links all of us with all of our random, stupid actions.

I want to believe that somehow, from some mind-witheringly distant vantage point, looking back on everything we have will start to make some sense. I want to believe that with all of my heart, but I find myself falling just short of it.

I look around and see both symmetry and dissonance; I see truth, lies, beauty, hatred, love, kindness and neglect in unequal proportions, I suppose because my perspective makes everything seem a little canted. I've always wanted there to be a true middle road, a safe track for me to walk that wasn't too hard or too easy, that was neither dangerous, nor overly safe and the farther I go, the more it seems like there's no such thing. But, that's my perspective talking. From far enough away even the most winding path is straight. Heard at the correct frequency the monotonous ticking of the clock can be the most beautiful note ever uttered.

It all comes back to perspective: over a long enough time frame all the anger and hatred, and even the love and hope and desire all wash out into fading images held together by memory. From up close, we believe these are the only things in the world, and their absence or presence determines everything in our lives, yet with or without them, through maddening droughts and floods of emotion that threaten to sweep us off our very feet, we're still here. Our lives, pitifully short and disconnected from themselves, go on.

Maybe that's why I've been in such a good mood lately: something happened that reminded me the importance of living in the now, as Garth would put it. I found myself in a situation that never should have been and yet I came out on the other end a completely changed man. I had experienced a joy that I'd forgotten was possible for the briefest of moments, I was totally in tune with myself and the world, and most importantly, with another person. It was a fleeting sensation, but when it was over I found myself completely content. I smiled for three days straight after that night and I couldn't tell you why, except that being in that situation was exactly where I wanted to be, and what's more, it was where I was meant to be.

I've never felt so correct in a spatial sense (metaphysical or otherwise). I've always felt in the back of my mind that somehow, wherever I was, I didn't fit. No longer. Now I really find myself content and unafraid of the future for the first time in my life. It's a strange feeling, like being young again, and it is wonderful.

I know this can't last. eventually, I'll slip back into the old habits and thopught patterns that eventually lead us all into despair, or something close to it, and that's okay, too. I'm not afraid of returning to my old self because now I know what it feels like to be truly happy.

Somehow, it seems like that's enough.

My mom just got a camper. It's a tow-along type thing, but not collapsible, so it has a shower, a toilet, a stove and a fridge - all the essentials.

Now that she has it, she's all about going "camping", and it occurred to me that there are some fundamental differences in the way people think about camping.

When I think about camping, I think about a clearing in the woods that it took at least an hour or so to find. I think about calculating how much water you'll need for the length of time you want to stay gone, and about coordinating who's gonna carry the trash when you leave.

I think about securing the food against animals and drawing straws to see who carries the liquor bag. I think about catching dinner at least once per trip and then arguing about the best way to prepare "varmint", and I think that usually it's best to wrap it in tinfoil and bury it under the fire.

I think that if you can still hear the interstate, you haven't walked far enough.

I like the idea of bringing my guitar out there, but I'm not too thrilled about carrying it, my sleeping bag and the tent on a five mile stomp through the woods.

I like tents. I like the idea of a truly portable roof , but as cool as campers are there are just too many places I want to go that you can't really fit one ... They are cool though: I can't tell you how many lame trips I've been on that margaritas would've fixed right the hell up.

For me, the point of camping is to get away from all the things that everyone else seems to want to pack up and bring with them.

I love music. I mean I actually love it. I don't know if I could live without music, but I happen to make music as part of my excretory process, so I got lucky there.

But that's not to say that I have to have it wherever I go. Sometimes I think it's nice to just keep it down for awhile and let the world make its own music. It's hard to hear sometimes, but that music is there. I think we spend so much time surrounded by the cacophony of modern life that we forget what it's like to quiet for awhile. Hell, I know people who are uncomfortable with silence. I would feel bad for those people, but that's not really my thing. Really, I just can't comprehend what life would be like without music, so I tend to hear it everywhere I go whether it's playing or not, and that's how it is out in the world - there may not be a radio playing for miles around, but I promise there is always music.

I read recently that everyone has a song: a personal song that is theirs and theirs alone, and that it plays for them every moment of their life. Sometimes you can hear it like the band is right there in the car with you. Sometimes it's like listening to a radio underwater, but it's always there: the music of your life.

This music is different for everyone: some people live their lives to a constant marching tune with a brassy chorus and a snappy beat. Others have a more sedate theme: something soothing and calm, with long interludes that bring to mind the kind of landscapes that Enya was always going on about.

I think more often it's a combination: we are all capable of towering crescendos and low, slow litanies. At any given moment, we can be in the middle of a snappy chorus-line-type refrain and suddenly slip into a gritty, bluesy, nasty funk where even the major keys seem clash with your roots.

Sometimes you can't hear the tune at all. These are the times when I feel at my least prepared, least connected with the world. Without my song, I have no anchor, no basis from which to explore - and that's scary as hell, even for someone who would rather use a machete than a microwave.

A Haiku

Downstairs for a beer
Everyone was very kind
I miss the Red Eye

The Emperor of the United States

Joshua Abraham Norton was born around 1819 to a merchant family in England. They moved to South Africa in 1821, and upon his parents' death in 1849, Norton took his inheritance to San Francisco.

He promptly bankrupted himself trying to corner the rice market in Chinatown when his entire shipment was lost in a freak storm.

We lose track of Norton for about five years, but in 1859 he returned, issuing this proclamation to several major SF newspapers:

At the pre-emptory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States, I Joshua Norton, formerly of Algoa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for the last nine years and ten months past of San Fransisco, California, declare and proclaim myself the Emperor of These United States. - September 17, 1859

Emperor Norton continued to issue decrees throughout his reign and was soon a figure of some renown. He corresponded with the Queen Victoria and Abraham Lincoln and appointed Samuel Clemens (aka Mark Twain) the "Official Spinner of Tales and Teller of Stories ... for the duration of his mortal life".

His decrees cover topics from the absurd (he knighted his dogs, Lazarus and Bummer, and demanded they be allowed free entry into all SF eating establishments and theaters), to the strangely prophetic (In 1872 he decreed that a bridge be built to link San Fransisco and Oakland;
he disbanded both the Republican and Democratic parties in 1869; he proposed the formation of a "League of Nations" to meet in SF in order to quell dissent and misunderstanding between countries).

Norton was widely considered a madman and a fool, yet all San Francisco policemen saluted when he passed. He printed his own money, which was accepted in almost all SF restaurants. Stories are told of Norton singlehandedly disbanding an angry mob outside a Chinatown restaurant by reciting the Lord's Prayer until they left.

When Emperor Norton I died in 1880, it's estimated that 10,000 people came to pay their respects. His funeral cortege was over two miles long, and the day was marked by a total eclipse of the sun.

Trivia

The word "Trivia" is from the Latin for "three roads". It can also mean something trifling, useless or unimportant.

The story I heard says that at crossroads in Roman cities there would often be monuments built with inscriptions detailing local points of interest, directions and nearby attractions.

One could either read them or not, so they were considered unimportant ... trivial.

Another version states that people would often gather at crossroads to exchange news and gossip.

Either way, I miss playing trivia, so I put some up here on my blog. Good luck.